Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
