The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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