I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
