so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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