found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
