I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
