got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize