I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize