I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
