If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
