watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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