fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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