I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
