do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You ruined the universe
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
