Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
