Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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