Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
