you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
