dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
