I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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