Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
