from now on my penis is your penis
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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