Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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