After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
