I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
