haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
