I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
