if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
