Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
