Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
