Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
