I wish my penis had an off switch
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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