she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
