just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
