I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
