I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
