I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
