I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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