i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
