I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
