True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
