pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
