What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
