just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
