Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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