He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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