I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
