why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
