Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
