The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Terrible idea I love it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
