I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
