I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
