And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
