Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
