I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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