i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize