I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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