I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize