i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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