So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I lost the right to judge tonight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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