I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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