Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
