I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
