so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
