You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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